Rachel's Revenge

Aaron’s bedroom is right across the hall from the main floor bathroom. When I’m the only adult home with the little kids, I leave Aaron’s bedroom door open when I'm putting him to sleep so I can keep an ear on Rachel. Unfortunately, it is always during the most difficult putting-to-sleep times that something resembling the following occurs:

From the quiet calm of the nursery, I hear

pitterpatter pitterpatter pitterpatter

(water goes on) (water goes off)

pitterpatter pitterpatter pitterpatter

1 minute passes.

pitterpatter pitterpatter pitterpatter

(water goes on) (water goes off)

pitterpatter pitterpatter pitterpatter

2 minutes pass and I start to relax. Aaron’s eyes start drifting shut....

pitterpatter pitterpatter pitterpatter

(water goes on) (water goes off) (toilet flushes. Flushes again.)

pitterpatter pitterpatter pitterpatter

I can feel myself getting desperate during these times. If it’s an apocalyptic day when Aaron is mostly refusing to sleep, there’s nothing I can do but pray the mess isn’t too big. If it’s a good day and Aaron is taking nicely spaced, lengthy naps, I might risk sticking my head into the hall. When that happens I get a big grin, and Rachel runs into Aaron’s room:

“CANIHELPPUTHIMTOSLEEPCANI?”

What I think: “NO, dear Rachel. You may NOT. Pitterpatter yourself on out of here before my head EXPLODES.”

What I say: “Sure. Can you please hand me that binkie?”

She hands me the binkie. Then a book. Then another book. Then the boppy and the My Breast Friend and the baby wipes. Then Aaron opens his eyes.

“Rachel, help mommy by watching cartoons. Please. Now.”

Her face falls, her shoulders slump. I hear her drag herself to the playroom and I know I’m in trouble.

She will get back at me for hurting her feelings. She will paint herself. She will cover herself in ketchup and mustard. She will make a “fruit salad” with random bits of food, dog treats, and personal items she pulls off the kitchen counter.

Today she got revenge by filling up a toy house—a PAPER toy house—with toy measuring cup after toy measuring cup of water. It was sitting 2 inches from my laptop.

She also made a “fruit salad” consisting of Smarties, blackberries, flower petals, water, and packets of sugar.

She also covered herself from top to bottom with honey yogurt. The day after I washed her hair.

I'm sort of proud.

Rachel's favorite color.